Robert G Evans 'ztl
Yerachmiel son of Abraham and Sarah
ירחמיאל בן אברהם ושרה
1883 - April 1, 2021
The Malakh Ha-Mavet came for beloved community member and MCJC volunteer Bob Evans on April 1st, while Bob was cavorting in the arms of his mistress. Bob is of unknown parentage and was raised by a pack of bobcats among the orange groves of Riverside, CA. Not much is known about Bpb's early life and there are numerous contradictory accounts. Bob's many accomplishments are well known, some of which are given below. Bob was not known to have left any legitimate children, but is survived by wives too numerous to mention and four cat friends: BB Melech, Amy Cathouse, Orange Julius and Atomic Blondie.
"Pore Bob is daid,
Pore Bob Evans is daid,
All gather 'round his cawfin now and cry
He had a heart of gold
And he wasn't very old
Oh why did such a feller have to die?
Pore Bob is daid
Pore Bob Evans is daid,
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean!
Then the preacher'd get up and he'd say:
Folks, we are gathered here to moan
And groan over our brother Bob Evans,
Who hung hisself up by a rope in his smokehouse
Then there'd be weepin' and wailin'...
From some of those women. Then he'd say:
Bob was the most misunderstood man in this here territory.
People used to think he was a mean ugly feller and they called
Him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer
But the folks that really knowed him.
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors
As big as all outdoors.
Bob Evans loved his feller man
He loved hes feller man
He loved the birds of the air and the beasts of the field.
He loved the mice and the vermin in the barns, and he treated
The rats like equals, which was right. And he loved little children.
He loved everybody and everything in the whole world!
Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
Pore Bob is Daid
Pore Evans is daid
His friends'll weep and wail for miles around
The daisies in the dell
Will give out a different smell
Because Pore Bob is underneath the ground.
PoreBob is daid
A Candle lights his haid
He's layin' in a cawfin made of wood
And folks are feelin' sad
Cause they useter treat him bad
But now they know their friend is gone for good
Pore Bob is Daid a candle lights his haid!
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep,
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're running out of ice.
Pore Bob, Pore Bob."
Bob's accomplishments are far too numerous to mention. He is best know internationally as the only winner of five Nobel Prizes (Peace, Literature, Medicine, Physics and Chemistry), all of which were interrelated and involve his work in genetically re-engineering humans to communicate with cats and acknowledging them as a superior, more highly evolved, life form. His epic poem "Cats Are WE", is universally credited as the greatest work of literature of the last two thousand years, and with changing the course of humankind.
Locally, Bob is probably most admired for turning the Mendocino Coast into America's premier cat tourism destination and for his work with perfect spiritual master BB Melech on a mathematical proof of the existence of an immortal soul and a supreme divine entity.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be sent to the Their Holiness BB Melech Universal Enlightenment Foundation, PO Box 397, Manchester, CA 95459.