This is a puzzling story, rife with trickery, deceit, lies and violence. Brother is pitted against brother. Mother against son. Mother against father. All this chicanery in the name of God.
Twin brothers Jacob and Esau began their struggle with each other while still in Rebekah's womb. This was not an easy pregnancy. She cried out to God in pain, "If so, why do I exist?" In answer to her anguished question. God told her He had a plan for the twins she would deliver. It is all necessary, He explains, that the children struggle and the younger must win. He leaves Isaac ignorant of the future; only Rebekah is burdened with knowledge of how their lives must be. Esau wins the pre-birth struggle and was born first. Isaac favors Esau, while Rebekah prefers her weaker son, Jacob. With her coaching, Jacob cheats his brother and lies to his father to earn the first born blessing. Jacob cunningly forces Esau to sell his birth right that of the first born, to him.
Then he takes advantage of his father's poor eyesight to gain the first born blessing meant for Esau. When Esau threatens to kill his brother for cheating him, Jacob leaves and goes into exile for 20 years. While in exile, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel, the comely younger daughter of Laban, his mother's brother. He toils for Laban for 7 years in exchange for Rachel's hand in marriage. At the end of his service, Laban marries him instead to Leah, his less appealing older daughter. Deceit apparently runs in the family. After 20 years in exile, Jacob plans to return home with his family. He realizes he must face Esau again. Word reaches him that Esau is approaching him with a powerful troop of men. Although God has promised to protect him, Jacob is frightened for his life, his wealth and for his family. He asks God's protection again, then he sends ahead a conciliatory message, offering great gifts to Esau.
Jacob spends the night by himself near a river. He wrestles all night, with a man. In the battle, his hip is wrenched from its socket, giving him a permanent limp, but he prevails. When asked, the wrestler would not disclose his name to Jacob, The "man" tells Jacob that he has wrestled both with a man and God. Jacob asked for and received his adversary's blessing. The unknown wrestler in giving him his blessing, changed his name from Jacob to Israel.
When Jacob finally sees Esau, he is greeted with love, not hate. Jacob says to Esau, "… to see your face is like seeing the face of God."
This complex story is not about dualities, right or wrong , black or white, truth and lies. As is often the case in the bible, there are more questions than answers. If Esau's face is like Gods face, did Jacob wrestle with Esau? What else is he wrestling? Possibly, Jacob wrestles with his fear and disdain for his brother.
Esau for his part must wrestle with his feelings of hatred for Jacob.
Does Jacob take responsibility for his transgressions; is he wrestling with himself? Does he own his fears and his disdain of his estranged brother? Why does it have to be this way? Why does he have to deceive his brother to make his way in the world? Why did God's plan involve lying and trickery? Does Jacob have to give up the good part of himself and be forever evil? Jacob learned that things were as they must be not as what he would like them to be. When Jacob realized that this was God's plan, hatred turned into love.
Does this story have lessons in it for me, for you?
Things are as they must he, not as they ought to be.
For 20 years I have been struggling with M.S., with myself. My anger, disappointment and fears persist. Still now, I often find it difficult to reconcile my head with my heart. M.S. is a gradual progression into disability. I don't know where it will end. Often I am afraid. More and more I am reconciled to the knowledge that I must accept things as they must be, not what I would like them to be. There is no cure for M.S. Much scientific research has addressed possible causes. The cause is unknown. Yes, they are making progress; I doubt whether it will alter my situation. That is the way things are. I do not mean to say that my acceptance is passive, I have choices. I can effect the means, but not the end. Only God knows what is in store for me.
Jacob wondered why it was so painful to accept God's will. Why does what Jacob becomes differ from what he "ought" to be? Since my diagnosis, I have asked this question of myself. My condition varies from day to day. I have often been angry while fighting the M.S. wars. I hate it that despite my best efforts, I often cannot overcome the exquisite fatigue that turns my mind to mush and keeps me from what I want to do. I can no longer draw like I used to; my fingers are numb. I am forced to find new ways to do ordinary things. To the extent that I have reconciled myself to living with this insidious disease, I am at peace. Sometimes I am able to accept the conflicting feelings that plague me. I am more accepting of myself and others. I am consciously mindful of the blessings in my life. I have lived in Mendocino for three years. I am able to ride my big red scooter down the road into town. Before I got this scooter, two years ago, I had not been in my backyard. The quality of my life has improved exponentially. On my way to town, I stop and pick a ripe blackberry. The sweet flavor explodes in my mouth. My delight is in my mindfulness of being alive. I find myself thanking God for my eyes which let me see the great beauty of the light filtering through the trees behind my house, the ocean, with its ever changing moods and colors. A friend recently wrote me a poem, albeit a corny one - In verse he said I will help you dance. I was deeply moved. I found myself smiling at the print of Matisse's dancers that hangs on my wall. That night I found myself reconciled to my condition.
Copyright Joanne Dickson 1998
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Updated 09/22/98 (rge)