"As above, so below." As above we are taught that God has two thrones, the Throne of Judgment and the Throne of Mercy, so below, within ourselves, two thrones: a Throne of Judgment and a Throne of Mercy. As above we pray that God will rise from the Throne of Judgment and move to the Throne of Mercy, so when we interact with another person we hope that she will greet us from the Throne of Mercy and not from the Throne of Judgment.
Of all the lessons I have learned in my years with Mickey, one of the most important ones he has taught me is when to "give the benefit of the doubt." Even the best and kindest person can occasionally do the less-than-perfect thing. And when he does so he meets me with my two thrones. From my Throne of Judgment I can lash out and punish. After all, I am justified, for he has done the less-than-perfect thing. Or I can move to the Throne of Mercy and say, "This is my beloved, my sweetheart, my friend. Most of the time to me he is perfect. I will overlook this less-than-perfect moment for the sake of love."
Judgment, justice, justification, jury -- that which is fair, which is deserved, whether reward or punishment, hard, clear, right.
Mercy: kindness beyond what is strictly earned, tenderness, softness even where harshness might be warranted.
In our all-night Torah study on Shavuot, Scott Meltsner gave a profound teaching about love -- whether for God or for a human beloved. Scott said that in thinking about love relationships he sees five dynamics: we give, we take, we honor, we overlook and we commit. He asked us to think (and, being Scott, to write) about each of these five dynamics as we relate to God.
I love that Scott included "overlooking" in his recipe for relationship. Even in our dearest and favorite people we might sometimes do better to overlook a bit, to give the benefit of the doubt. "He didn't mean it." "She couldn't help it." "He doesn't usually act that way." "She must have been scared/tired/pushed beyond her limits." "I don't understand why he did this. But there must have been a reason." Obviously we shouldn't excuse forever or overlook truly dangerous or abusive behavior. But when the basically kind and good person -- most of us most of the time -- slips up, says something hurtful, forgets to do something, doesn't show up 100% -- we have a choice: judgment or mercy, strict accounting or overlooking.
The Maharal talks about three primary relationships: with God, with other people and with ourselves. In each of these relationships there is judgment and there is mercy. In fact, as I thought back over Scott's teaching, it occurred to me that the same balance of judgment and mercy probably exists within me in all my relationships -- with God, with others and with myself. I probably extend exactly the same measure of harsh judgment, and the same measure of mercy, to myself, others and the Divine regardless of what anyone does or doesn't do. The work of mercy is within even more than without.
In our prayers every day we ask God to accept our heart's words with mercy. Everyone and everything is asking this of us all the time -- accept us with mercy. The whole world needs more mercy, as do we ourselves. As above so below. In moments of disappointment and frustration perhaps we can find it in ourselves to move to our own Throne of Mercy, to overlook what we could strictly judge and punish. And so may it come to each of us as well.
© 2003 Rabbi Margaret Holub
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Updated 09/09/2004 (rge)